Momentary Atheism

This time of year I find it hard to focus my thoughts. I feel this deep sense of duty to memorialize my past and begin anew with the changing of the calendar.

It's a kind of insanity when I make the same old determinations to change myself in the new year - to get rid of bad habits, to be healthier, more compassionate, more patient; to be a generally better human being - then within two weeks I find myself on the sofa eating snacks and watching meaningless TV - hoping for that extra special distraction that keeps me amused for a moment.


What it really takes is a change in thinking.

This new year I'm not going to place unreasonable expectations on myself and other people. Is that an unreasonable expectation?

When Jesus taught He demonstrated the importance of constantly challenging and changing our thinking. For example, in the famous "Sermon on The Mount" recorded in St. Matthew Chap. 5 - 7. He uses the phrase (or similar wording) "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time.......But I say unto you..." to encourage a new understanding of the original meaning of a particular teaching. You might say He wants the focus to be on the "spirit" rather than the "letter" of the law. By pushing His disciples' thinking beyond the bounds of "beliefs" He drew them to Himself and away from the false God that the Pharisees and other "theology experts" claimed as exclusively their own.

This year I learned the value of looking at things differently. In 2003 I'd become disillusioned by Evangelical Christianity and turned to Buddhism for spiritual fulfillment. I'd begun 2005 as a Pure Land Buddhist, and through the process of emptying my mind of old idols and opening it to the possibility that my ideas about God had been wrong - (Buddhism has no formal teaching regarding the nature of God) - I began to realize that my thinking was being unduly influenced by faulty impressions. Only when I'd briefly stepped into the shadows of atheism did I turn around and see what I'd been missing.

Momentary or periodic atheism can be like the cleansing of the palate of the mind.

Over the years I've had discussions with so-called Atheists. My experience has often been that Atheists create a false god - then refuse to believe in him."Tell me what kind of God you don't believe in - I may not believe in that one either?"

If the God you "believe in" isn't quite making sense - try a little atheism from that image of God and rather than putting your faith in a hope that God exists. Put your faith in the God that is and expect that He will reveal Himself to you.

I end the year of 2005 as a Catechumen in the Orthodox Church - if you had told me this a year ago I would have laughed out loud - how could I have ever imagined that God would reveal Himself to me through atheistic Buddhism???

Glory to God for all things.