Practically Catholic

I think I've always been destined to be Catholic. Not a particularly or consistently good one - but most certainly what author James Carroll calls a "Practical Catholic." 

As you can tell from the title of this Blog, I refer to myself as a "Reluctant Catholic," in that I acknowledge the magisterium, or doctrinal authority, of the Catholic Church - but I still struggle and resist accepting some of the teachings and practices. I firmly assert that the issue is mine and not theirs!

I believe that I believe in the Nicene Creed, and I try to believe consistently in the authority of the Church and its Saints, Angels, and of course, the Blessed Virgin Mary. But, I am in good company with St. Thomas the Apostle as I wrestle with doubts. But I trust Jesus with my life and eternity - and in that I have no doubt

The Catholic Church is not perfect in practice - but it is a masterpiece of magisterial design and it has done a supernatural job, despite itself, of maintaining the integrity of its original processes and purpose.

THE DEEP CALL OF THE HEART


Since early May of this year I have felt the "call" deep within to return to the faith that I had vehemently and vocally rejected a few times in the past. I can offer no real rational explanation for my changes of heart - I could blame it on demonic influence - but that is no different than saying that I don't really know what drew me away so strongly - it is a mystery of doubt. In the same way, my return is a mystery of faith. If it is possible that my turning away was demonically motivated, then I cling willingly to the possibility that my return to Catholicism is the work of intervening angels.

ARMS WIDER OPEN


In this return there is a difference in the embrace. I do not cling blindly to the Catechism, nor do I disregard the "inner voice" that sometimes contradicts the sometimes theoretical dogmatic scenarios, in favor of what I sense is a more compassionate view of the reality of things. I have a bigger heart this time - and do not hypocritically whisper curses of damnation against those that reject that which I formerly denied myself, but now embrace as ultimate truth.

This time I have greater faith that God is better at love than we in the Church are at interpreting theology.


Returning to the Mass has been a reunion of my doubting mind with my grieving heart.


HOLDING ON TO THE VOWS


A relationship with Jesus Christ, through his bride the Church, is more like a marriage than a contracted, conditional partnership. The Bride can fall short of being worthy, in the earthly sense, of her children or husband's love because of her behavior - but the strong love of the divine bridegroom, (Christ) is truly unconditional and goes much deeper and far beyond the worst sins. The children love and obey their Father, the Bridegroom, and see in their mother the love for them that is reflected from the father - a love of commitment beyond fickle emotion. So, I have decided to stand firm in my commitment made in earnest a few years ago - to honor Christ in and through his Holy Catholic Church.

IT'S STILL ME

Behind all this rhetoric stands the cynical sinner that has always been me. I know I will struggle with my commitments and I'm sure I'll offer both fair and unfair criticism of those who stand with me in Church, but stand against me in word, and/or spirit from time to time - but such is the matter of conscience and confession - which will no doubt help me to stretch my faith in these times.

I am committing to live by and through the power of the gift of grace - which can only be given on the terms of the giver - who is the Lord of all. 

Please hold on until this ride stops moving.


GLORY BE TO THE FATHER, AND TO THE SON, AND TO THE HOLY SPIRIT. AS IT WAS IN THE BEGINNING, IS NOW AND EVER SHALL BE. WORLD WITHOUT END.

AMEN

Blessed Is The Spot

May 29th - The Ascension of Baha'u'llah

"Blessed is the spot,

and the house,

and the place,

and the city,

and the heart,

and the mountain,

and the refuge,

and the cave,

and the valley,

and the land,

and the sea,

and the island,

and the meadow

where mention of God hath been made

and His praise glorified.

- Baha'u'llah

One of my favorite spots in Chicago is the Baha'i House of Worship - also known as the "Baha'i Temple" - in Wilmette, on the North Shore. I feel more at peace with myself and the universe whenever I go there.

The Baha'i House of Worship is not only a beautiful work of architecture and a symbol of religious unity. It is also the place where I began my journey as a spiritual seeker.

THE PROMISE OF UNITY

What drew me to the Baha'i Faith initially, eventually drove me away from it later.  

Let me explain.......

The core teachings of the Baha'is, as expounded by the founders; Baha'u'llah, and his son and heir; Abdu'l-Baha, are beautiful and all-embracing. Especially considering that they came out of a rather rigid, fundamentalist middle-eastern culture during the 1800's.

• The independent search after truth, unfettered by superstition or tradition;

• The oneness of the entire human race, the pivotal principle and fundamental doctrine of the Faith;

 

• The basic unity of all religions; 

• The condemnation of all forms of prejudice, whether religious, racial, class or national; 

• The harmony which must exist between religion and science; 

• The equality of men and women, the two wings on which the bird of human kind is able to soar;

• The introduction of compulsory education; 

• The adoption of a universal auxiliary language; 

• The abolition of the extremes of wealth and poverty; 

• The institution of a world tribunal for the adjudication of disputes between nations;

 

• The exaltation of work, performed in the spirit of service, to the rank  of worship; 

• The glorification of justice as the ruling principle in human society, 

• Religion as a bulwark for the protection of all peoples and nations; 

• The establishment of a permanent and universal peace as the supreme goal of all  mankind.

It could be argued that many of the principles of the Baha'i Faith that were introduced to western society at the turn of the 20th century were at least partially influential in bringing about some very broad changes.  Women's suffrage and the institution of the United Nations Organization could be worthy examples.

I saw the promise of religious freedom in the Baha'i teachings. I saw a place where seeking and searching was encouraged and that the drawing together of all religions was an ideal.

However, after a few years of attending "Members Only" meetings and gatherings and hearing over and over the emphasis on mass teaching together with the announcement of endless global plans to bring in masses of new converts; referred to as "Entry by Troops," I realized that the American Evangelical influence on this gentle middle-eastern spirituality had become too great. Baha'i was no longer the unification of all religions with the hope of elimination of religious conflict,  but the ultimate "replacement" for every other religion.

The core value that promoted independent search for truth - ultimately meant that although searching was encouraged; it only was fruitful if you came to the same conclusion about the truth as the majority of other Baha'is!!! Thus my need to investigate "independently" ultimately meant that to be true to this core belief, I had to break ties with the Baha'i organization.

SEPARATING THE WHEAT AND CHAFF

Just recently I've discovered that there is a large "exiled" community of Baha'is that are of a similar mind as mine. Some call themselves "Unenrolled Baha'is" - others have kept the core beliefs in Baha'u'llah and Abdu'l-Baha as teachers of this age, but have identified themselves with other faith communities.

I must admit that I am drawn to the teachings and principles of the Baha'i Faith - they offer a good balance between reality and spirituality, while offering a freedom to practice religion in a variety of forms, according to personality and background - see my previous post on i-Religion.

Last weekend, my experience of feeling at peace as I walked the grounds and sat in the sanctuary of the Baha'i House of Worship, gave me a deep awareness of the Baha'i Faith as my lodestone; the place I come to be reassured during moments of doubt and uncertainty. This has happened to me many times over many years. As my doubts grow and I offer them to my understanding of God for resolution - I somehow find myself drawn back to the Baha'i House of Worship.

THE TOUCH OF THE BUTTERFLY AND THE GAZE OF A DEER

A few years ago, I found myself at the Baha'i House of Worship during a weekday. I had come from a meeting in Chicago and happened to be fairly near and stopped to take a break. I sat in the gardens alone and "talked" with God about my life and where I was going. 

As I sat I felt a very gentle flutter and touch on my shoulder and jumped slightly as I saw a beautiful Butterfly sitting on my right shoulder. It sat there for a few moments and then flew off toward the building - as my eyes followed its line of flight I saw the words inscribed on one of the alcoves of the temple.

"Thy heart is My home; sanctify it for My descent."

Another time as I walked the grounds late at night, after being drawn there yet again, I came face to face with a young fawn - it didn't run and didn't look afraid - it just stared at me for a moment and then walked away. My mind turned to a scripture reference:

Psalm 42

As the deer pants for streams of water, 

       so my soul pants for you, O God.

 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. 

       When can I go and meet with God?

 My tears have been my food 

       day and night, 

       while men say to me all day long, 

       "Where is your God?"

 These things I remember 

       as I pour out my soul: 

       how I used to go with the multitude, 

       leading the procession to the house of God, 

       with shouts of joy and thanksgiving 

       among the festive throng.

 Why are you downcast, O my soul? 

       Why so disturbed within me? 

       Put your hope in God, 

       for I will yet praise him, 

       my Savior and my God. 

       My soul is downcast within me; 

       therefore I will remember you 

       from the land of the Jordan, 

       the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.

 Deep calls to deep 

       in the roar of your waterfalls; 

       all your waves and breakers 

       have swept over me.

 By day the LORD directs his love, 

       at night his song is with me— 

       a prayer to the God of my life.

A SPIRITUAL LODESTONE

Are these experiences at the Baha'i House of Worship coincidences? Am I being superstitious?

All I can say is that there is something special about the Baha'i House of Worship and the Baha'i Faith.

My wife, Becke, says that the Baha'i Faith is my lodestone. Perhaps she's right and perhaps I am, and have always been, an intentional "Unenrolled Baha'i" 

P.S. 

Here's a link to another blog that shares another perspective on the Universal faith of Baha'u'llah:

The Limits of Universalism
Bahais Online - Friday, 29 May 2009 © Bahais Online

The Overwhelming Power of Doubt

Uh-Oh, I've been here before....

I've just realized something and I'm not sure what it is;

I've either lost my religion and found my faith or, I've lost my mind and found myself.

Who knew I was dreaming?

I didn't realize I was asleep until I started to wake up.

THE CRUMBLING FOUNDATION

The Bible says that you should build your faith on rock and not on sand. However, what happens when the rock that you thought you built upon suddenly turns to sand?

Organizations and institutions have failed us in almost every area. The foundational institutions and pillars of society that we have trusted have fallen; they have become the prey of their own lesser natures.

This is no more true than in the institutions of religion. 

"I'm giving up religion for Lent," I had jokingly remarked, after hearing about the rather extravagant home that the Archdiocese of Cincinnati recently acquired for the adjunct Archbishop of Cincinnati. They spent close to half a million dollars on a large house for a single man who lives under a vow of celibacy. I don't begrudge the man having a nice home - but given that his predecessor had lived for many years in a small three room apartment at a local campus, and that the Archdiocese simultaneously announced that it was having to close churches and cut ministry budgets because of the current economic conditions - it seemed like a very irresponsible decision. 

It was the last straw that tipped an already increasingly unbalanced scale. 

THE UNFAITHFUL BRIDE

I have lost my faith in the church as the medium for God in this world. The church, rather than being the haven and shelter of the downtrodden, is assuming not only the role of protector of God's elite and favored, but also the judge and jury of the world - rather than the means for its moral transformation. 

How could this happen to me when I was SO ENTHUSIASTIC and appeared to be so committed to the Catholic church a mere few months ago?

I wish there were an easy explanation - but there isn't.

I can only confess that I am a religious junkie - I find momentary joy in belonging to an institution that I believe promises hope and fulfillment - and after the novelty wears off and I begin to see that those who I thought were authority figures, turn into, at best case, blind guides, or, in worst case, raging hypocrites. Then I have to face the facts.

I deceived myself into believing that I could trust the Church and all its teachings - I REALLY WANTED to believe that I could give up doubting and seeking - because the church had covered all the bases. The Catechism had all the answers - Jesus was the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and the church that he began would keep me on the straight and narrow.

ORGANIZATIONAL PROBLEMS

The problem as always, with organizations that try to "preserve" the "original" teachings - is that the preservation becomes more important than the original intended meaning. Thus the preservation becomes a form of organized protection that seeks to "purify" itself at the expense of the truth. "Loving your enemies" becomes "convert or condemn them." "Count it all joy" becomes "wallow in your sorrows", and God's love goes from being a gift of grace to all, to the reward of only those who "deserve" it, and the promise of heaven on earth becomes the threat of eternal hell.

Another problem with religion is recorded history - the more I research the history of the church - the more I find evidence of it being an empire's instrument of domination, instead of a message of a movement of hope and freedom  for the dominated.

History also clearly reveals that the doctrines and dogmas of the Church, which are called the foundations of faith - are in fact "democratically" decided "opinions." It is a historical fact that there was no universally accepted view of the nature of Jesus (i.e. 100% human, 100% God, or both) until the 4th century (over 300 years after the earthly presence of Jesus) - it apparently was not that important before the Church got "ORGANIZED."  

Another problem with religion is reality - the observed way of the universe does not conform to the testimony of the "infallible" sources. When you have to make a choice between blind faith and visible reality - I have to go with visible reality; "walking by faith and not by sight," is bad advice when you can see quite clearly!! I've really TRIED to accept the Bible as inspired - but I can't see it that way anymore. Apart from certain sections, it just doesn't make sense!

OUT VERSUS IN

President Lyndon Johnson, when referring to a disagreeable alliance,  is reported as having said that he preferred to have this person "in the tent pissing out, than outside the tent pissing in."!  Although I wouldn't perhaps use that crude reference - I have found that it is sometimes only possible to have valid criticisms when you can see things clearly from "inside the tent." This is why I've felt led to join so many religious groups - I cannot claim to fully understand them while I remain as an outside observer. Unfortunately, this usually means that I have to leave - as history has shown that odds are not good for the survival of the reformers!!

AUTHORITY RULES

I have a problem with authority being in the hands of those who abuse it. I'm not alone in this view, as many of my heroes - Jesus, Gandhi, Buddha, and others - all called a spade a spade when it came to the abuse and misuse of power.

So, I'm finished with suppressing my intelligence, and I can no longer practice behavioral hoop jumping of any form - no matter what religion or cult.

There is no path to God - either God is everywhere or He's nowhere. If God is omnipresent I don't have to go anywhere to find Him. I also don't have to believe that He's in the Eucharist any more or less than I believe that He's in my inmost being. If He's omniscient then I'm praying to myself because He's closer than any friend. If He knows my heart then He knows when I'm sorry and when I'm not - confession is for my benefit, and nothing else. If He tells us to love our enemies and to forgive them unconditionally - then I would be calling Him a hypocrite if I believed that He is not able to do the same.

Calling God  a Person seems to be an affront to the nature of God. It reduces God to something that we can control. I think that's another reason I keep turning in false hope to religions - I believe that through them I can control God - I can control REALITY... which is absurd!!

The book of Hebrews says that we must believe that God exists in order to find him - that's ridiculous - God's existence does not depend on our belief - that's only true of Santa Claus!!

We do not have to look for God - He's already here - we're the ones that believe we are lost. 

 

Of course, I could be wrong.......... but I'm afraid I doubt it.

(NOTE: image: "Crowd #43 - 1998" by Misha Gordin)