Raising the White Flag

OK, I give up, I don't want to be a Christian!
Being a Christian is so hard!!! It's harder than being married, or being a parent, or working for a living.

It's easy to confess to being a Christian - to stake claim on a moment in time when you "gave your heart," or "made a decision," for Christ. It's just a moment - just like proposing marriage to your future wife, or accepting your future husband's proposal. The marriage event, like baptism, is exciting and a great celebration.

But after the wedding; and after the "decision for Christ" - comes the marriage; the life as a Christian. I think I understand now why the Church is called the "Bride of Christ."

To be a Christian, like being in a marriage, requires a change of focus in your life. Once you make the commitment. You no longer live for yourself alone. You exist in a relationship that requires you to live in a mutually sacrificial way - and that is SO HARD.

This week was tough for me spiritually. I awoke some mornings this week, and as I gathered myself for morning prayer I heard myself saying, "This is ridiculous - there's no God, Jesus didn't really exist - why do you constantly keep asking for forgiveness for the same old things that you keep doing???" The temptation to "chuck it all," overwhelms me sometimes. But, as faith is a commitment and not an easy thing - I continue in my prayer.

I don't want to be a Christian - but, I HAVE to be. Because like a marriage, it's not about convenience and feeling good all the time - it's about LOVE.

When you love someone, it fulfills you, and no matter what momentary distractions and temptations come, that love remains. Many people think of love as a feeling - but love is a commitment - the happy feeling is just a bonus that comes and goes like sleepiness when you're tired. Sometimes it feels great to fall asleep, sometimes you just doze off.

When you experience the love of Christ, following Him becomes your life. It goes beyond conditions and "logical" thinking. The more I learn as I grow in my experience of Christ, the more I realize that I have to discover about Him .

Christianity is not "easy believism," as I've heard it called. It's a life-changing experience. It's not a religion - it's the discovering of the connection to God within, that we suppress, out of fear of the unknown. We are afraid to be different - to change.

The Christianity that is "popular" today, and seems to be growing. Is a path of "convenient commitment." We might make a commitment to Christ, but it doesn't really impact the way we live - I include myself in this confession.

This week I read this ancient first century letter from a Roman soldier named Aristedes, who was asked to report to Emperor Hadrian on the people called Christians.

He writes:

….The Christians… know and trust in God, the Creator of heaven and of earth, in whom and from whom are all things, to whom there is no other god as companion, from whom they received commandments which they engraved upon their minds and observe in hope and expectation of the world which is to come. Wherefore they do not commit neither adultery nor fornication, nor bear false witness, nor embezzle what is held in pledge, nor covet what is not theirs. They honour father and mother, and show kindness to those near to them; and whenever they are judges, they judge uprightly. They do not worship idols (made) in the image of man; and whatsoever they would not that others should do unto them, they do not to others; and of the food which is consecrated to idols they do not eat, for they are pure. And their oppressors they comfort and make them their friends; they do good to their enemies; and their women are pure as virgins, and their daughters are modest; and their men keep themselves from every unlawful union and from all uncleanness, in the hope of a recompense to come in the other world. Further, if one or other of them have slaves, through love towards them they persuade them to become Christians, and when they have done so, they call them brethren without distinction. They do not worship strange gods, and they go their way in all modesty and cheerfulness. Falsehood is not found among them; and they love one another, and from widows they do not turn away their esteem; and they deliver the orphan from him who treats him harshly. And he, who has, gives to him who has not, without boasting. And when they see a stranger, they take him in to their homes and rejoice over him as a very brother; for they do not call them brethren after the flesh, but brethren after the spirit and in God. And whenever one of their poor passes from the world, each one of them according to his ability gives heed to him and carefully sees to his burial. And if they hear that one of their number is imprisoned or afflicted on account of the name of their Messiah, all of them anxiously minister to his necessity, and if it is possible to redeem him they set him free. And if there is among them any that is poor and needy, and if they have no spare food, they fast two or three days in order to supply to the needy their lack of food. They observe the precepts of their Messiah with much care, living justly and soberly as the Lord their God commanded them. Every morning and every hour they give thanks and praise to God for His loving-kindnesses toward them; and for their food and their drink they offer thanksgiving to Him. And if any righteous man among them passes from the world, they rejoice and offer thanks to God; and they escort his body as if he were setting out from one place to another near. And when a child has been born to one of them, they give thanks to God; and if moreover it happens to die in childhood, they give thanks to God the more, as for one who has passed through the world without sins. And further if they see that anyone of them dies in his ungodliness or in his sins, for him they grieve bitterly, and sorrow as for one who goes to meet his doom.

As those who know God, they ask from Him petitions which are fitting for Him to grant and for them to receive. And thus they employ their whole lifetime. And since they know the loving-kindnesses of God toward them, behold! For their sake the glorious things, which are in the world, flow forth to view. And verily, they are those who found the truth when they went about and made search for it; and from what we considered; we learned that they alone come near to a knowledge of the truth. And they do not proclaim in the ears of the multitude the kind deeds they do, but are careful that no one should notice them; and they conceal their giving just as he who finds a treasure and conceals it. And they strive to be righteous as those who expect to behold their Messiah, and to receive from Him with great glory the promises made concerning them. And as for their words and their precepts, and their glorying in their worship, and the hope of earning according to the work of each one of them their recompense, which they look for in another world, you may learn about these from their writings. It is enough for us to have shortly informed your Majesty concerning the conduct and the truth of the Christians. For great indeed, and wonderful is their doctrine to him who will search into it and reflect upon it. And verily, this is a new people, and there is something divine in them.

- Letter from Aristedes to Emperor Hadrian (circa 117-138 A.D.)

Can you see why I don't WANT to be a Christian - But HAVE to be???