The Faith of Candy and Mike

Bodhisattva Kwan-Yin with Baby

"Happiness means not the absence of troubles but rather the refusal to be defeated by them, which is the true definition of happiness."

- Daisaku Ikeda

Yesterday morning I visited my friend Candy and her son Mike.

THE HARD CHOICES

Candy (not her real name), is a 65 year-old Korean - American widow, who has lived most of her adult life in the midwestern United States. She met her American husband while he was stationed in Korea, and he brought her to the US, where she was happy to be free of the fear that permeated her homeland.

Her son, Mike (also, not his real name) is now in his 40's and spends his life crawling around on the floor. Mike was born paralyzed from the waist down, with brain damage that rendered him unable to speak and severely palsied in both hands. Without Candy's love and support, he would have died a long time ago. Candy's husband didn't treat her well, and although Candy doesn't like to talk about it - you can tell that he beat her frequently and verbally abused her the rest of the time. He died quite a long time ago - a victim of Agent Orange I believe - also, for the most part, the reason for Mike's condition.

When Mike was small Candy made the choice not to put Mike in a nursing home because she tried it for three weeks once, so that she could take a vacation, and when she returned she found him curled up in a dirty ball - his eyes swollen and infected from hours of crying and not having his tears wiped away. So Candy rarely leaves Mike alone....

THE POWER OF COMPASSIONATE ENCOURAGEMENT

Candy is a Nichiren Buddhist. About 20 years ago, she made friends with a group of Buddhists who helped her to get back on her feet and become self-sufficient. She had rejected the Christian faith of her childhood because her Christian "friends" told her that God must have been punishing her for her sins, and she couldn't believe that God would be so cruel!!! Her new-found Buddhist friends, on the other hand, would encourage her, and help her to become strong and self-determined to overcome the difficulties of her life. She, for the most part, has done that. She told me yesterday how grateful she is for Mike and for all that he has done for her. Candy told me that her social-security benefits were barely enough for her to live on - but because of Mike's condition - the U.S. Government was providing financial support under the G.I. bill, that enabled her to care for Mike and herself. Without Mike's benefits, Candy would be nearly destitute - the irony of it amazed me - a totally handicapped person, unable to work or function in any job, had become the provider. It's warped justice - but justice still the same.

Candy is a member of the Soka Gakkai Organization - better known as SGI (Soka Gakkai International) in the US - it has been identified by many as a cult, and it does exhibit some of those behaviors. However, at its root - it is Nichiren Buddhism, and it is based on a very solid foundational understanding of the Lotus Sutra; what some say, is Buddha's ultimate and most complete teaching on overcoming suffering and attaining enlightenment in this lifetime. The President of SGI is an 80 year-old man named Daisaku Ikeda, and Candy quotes this man all the time, and credits him with a lot of the inspiration and encouragement that has been foundational to her attitude and personal determination in overcoming difficulties.

Ikeda writes: "Reality is harsh. It can be cruel and ugly. Yet no matter how much we grieve over our environment and circumstances nothing will change. What is important is not to be defeated, to forge ahead bravely. If we do this, a path will open before us."

In another place he wrote: "A person's true nature is revealed at times of the greatest adversity."

Candy quotes Daisaku Ikeda all the time - "It is up to us to decide to live a life free from self-doubt and despair in spite of our failures. Indeed, it is during our most humbling moments that we should show greatest poise and grace. Then the dignity of our lives will truly shine."

CHANTING FOR CHANGE

A couple of times a month Candy hosts "Toso" sessions at her house - a few people gather before her Buddhist altar and we chant "Nam Myoho Renge Kyo" - for an extended period of time - usually an hour or so. This chanting of Daimoku, is the core practice of Nichiren Buddhism. The words, roughly translated, mean: "Devotion to the Mystic Law through sound." Nichiren Buddhists believe that chanting this mantra brings our individual lives into harmony and balance with the life force of the universe. There's no denying that it sounds rather ridiculous. However, when you meet people like Candy and many of her friends who have been diligently doing this for many years - you cannot deny the impact that it has had on them psychologically, and in some cases - physically.

As we began chanting - Mike dragged himself into the room and began to smile a crooked smile and grunt along - Candy said that he was chanting. He loves to lay in Candy's arms as she chants softly with him.

After the session we all went our separate ways - Mike dragged himself back to his room and Candy made us a snack.

BODHISATTVA OF THE EARTH

In the Lotus Sutra there is reference to living Bodhisattvas that live eternally on the earth. These are people that sacrifice themselves for the salvation of others. The Sutra refers to them as "Bodhisattvas of the Earth" - if you ever want to meet one, I'll take you to Candy's house.