Losing and Finding

"Poor human reason, when it trusts in itself, substitutes the strangest absurdities for the highest divine concepts."

- St. John Chrysostom

In shallow loss there can be deep finding....

Somewhere deep in my DNA there must be a gene that causes me to constantly lose or misplace things. By nature I'm untidy but generally well-organized; as a rule, I know where things are by category.

However, once in a while, at a totally inappropriate time, I'll find that I've misplaced something and become outrageously unglued at my inability to locate it.

It's during times like this that I'm about to discover deeper truths about myself.

Last night I lost one of my favorite pens - not particularly expensive or rare - but one of those comfortable pens that are easy to use and that write well. My failed attempt to find it drove me into a totally unrealistic and overblown funk that shocked me, quite frankly, and made me very self-aware, as if I were looking down from a detached higher level of existence.

I saw in myself, vividly, the deep desire to control reality according to my convenience. Pens and other possessions are not supposed to be where you leave them but where you want them to be - calling out the hypocrisy of my own words when I've said things like: "Truth is not what we want, it's what is.....," and "Truth is not a choice, it's just the way things are....," and all other variations on that theme. Pens, like other things, including truth, do not obey my rules about where they're SUPPOSED to be.

THE INCONVENIENT TRUTH

If anyone out there has been following this blog for more than a few posts - they'll observe that I've gone through significant bouts of doubt - culminating in what I called the abandoning of belief. In short, you could say that I misplaced or lost my faith in Christianity. I became disillusioned with the Eastern Orthodox faith that I had so joyfully embraced. I joked with friends that I was seeking a divorce from the "Bride of Christ!"

Well, recently, I've come to regret those words and find myself, like the Lost Son of the famous parable, standing at a distance, seeking to "come home." ...... Well.....almost.

The home that I'm returning to, however, is not at the same address.

I can't believe that I'm saying this - but I've begun attending Catholic Mass regularly and feeling at home!!!

OVERCOMING "ROMAPHOBIA"

Being a former Protestant, and always having understood Christianity from a Protestant viewpoint - I was very drawn to Orthodoxy as the natural progression as I became disenchanted with the "Do it yourself - make it up as you go along" approach of Evangelical Protestantism. I could not consider Roman Catholicism because of what I'd heard.....

What about the corrupt priesthood?
What about the infallibility of the Pope?
What about the dogmatic nature of the Roman Catholic hierarchy?

etc. etc.

Then, recently, I had a long discussion with a very enthusiastic, newly confirmed, young Catholic, who gave me a lot of good reasons for trying to look beyond my preconceived notions about the Roman, or Western, Catholic Church.

I also began reading books like "Why I Am A Catholic" by Garry Wills and came across this great observation by G.K. Chesterton:

"When Christ at a symbolic moment was establishing His great society, He chose for its comer-stone neither the brilliant Paul nor the mystic John, but a shuffler, a snob a coward–in a word, a man. And upon this rock He has built His Church, and the gates of Hell have not prevailed against it. All the empires and the kingdoms have failed, because of this inherent and continual weakness, that they were founded by strong men and upon strong men. But this one thing, the historic Christian Church, was founded on a weak man, and for that reason it is indestructible. For no chain is stronger than its weakest link."

- G.K. Chesterton, Heretics, p. 67

So, I'm trying to overcome my long-term affliction of "Romaphobia" and look at the Roman Catholic Church with new eyes - as if I'm finding it for the first time.


LESS THAN PERFECT - MORE THAN HUMAN

As a movement focused on the re-formation and divination of humanity, built on the backs of imperfect humans, it is only natural that the Church has had tragedies and triumphs, because it is a progressing, healing, earth-bound kingdom. Just as the history of the Nation of Israel told in the Old Covenant is full of both good and bad characters, miracles and disasters, joy and suffering, facts and fables, truth and lies - why should we be surprised that the continuation, or fulfillment, of that kingdom would also be full of the same, as it journeys back to "wholeness" - which is another word for "holiness"?

The constant truth of the gospel (the "Good News") is that we are being saved as we are now, not as we should, or will be, so that together we can become much more than just human.

So try to hang on - it's going to be a bumpy ride - I just hope I don't misplace my ticket!!!!!