"I am the woman at the well,
I am the harlot
I am the scattered seed that fell
along the path
I am the son that ran away
And I am the bitter son that stayed
My God, my God
why hast though accepted me
When all my love
was vinegar to a thirsty King?
My God, my God
why hast though accepted me
It's a mystery of mercy and the song,
the song I sing
I am the angry man
who came to stone the lover
I am the woman
there ashamed before the crowd
I am the leper that gave thanks
But I am the nine that never came
My God, my God
why hast though accepted me
When all my love
was vinegar to a thirsty King?
My God, my God
why hast though accepted me
It's a mystery of mercy and the song,
the song I sing
You made the seed that made the tree
That made the cross that saved me
You gave me hope when there was none
You gave me your only Son
My God, Lord you are
My God, my God, Lord you are"
why hast though accepted me
When all my love
was vinegar to a thirsty King?
My God, my God
why hast though accepted me
It's a mystery of mercy and the song,
the song I sing
You made the seed that made the tree
That made the cross that saved me
You gave me hope when there was none
You gave me your only Son
My God, Lord you are
My God, my God, Lord you are"
- "Mystery of Mercy" by Caedmon's Call
"I tried to remove Christ from the Cross in order to bury him - but he arose and beckoned me rather to join him in new life"
THE STRUGGLE OF FAITH
I have wrestled with God for most of my life - vacillating between complete Atheism and tear-filled prostrations before his "presence." I have tried to meet God through Religion, and outside of it through personal meditations, encounters with various Gurus and teachers of spiritual practices from the East, West and in-between. When I "became" a Christian I struggled with it more than I ever admitted - being everything from an ardent opponent to a somewhat fanatical Evangelical fundamentalist.
I embraced the Eastern Orthodox, and then ultimately the Roman Catholic faith a couple of years ago - only to reject it all after wrestling with the child abuse scandal and questioning the Magisterium that seemed to support it.....
But the person of Christ is too real for me to ignore - the Church that he founded as his legacy, on the shoulders of Peter and the Apostles is too authentic to be rejected.
THE UNFAITHFUL BRIDE
The Church, the bride of Christ, has been unfaithful many times. But, even with all of its flaws and mistakes - that are many, some very serious, the Church reflects the real world in which it exists. Like the world, it is sometimes so very hateful and cruel beyond measure - but underneath it all, is seen such overwhelming love and beauty it overcomes and seems to make it all worthwhile and ultimately deserving of the forgiveness and mercy of God.
COMING HOME - AGAIN...
So, I stand at the door of the Church - like the returning son at the house of his father. Like the father - the Church has always been waiting - faithfully opening its arms for both the repentant and the resentful (like the two sons in the parable of Luke 15) - I have been both.
Like me, the Church falls short of its expectations - but there is strength in weakness that is honestly shared among many. Isn't that what the Christian life is really supposed to be; life in community as we wrestle with God in faith?
5 comments:
Catholic? Eastern Orthodox? Evangelical? Easy Listening?
Which one have you returned to?
I read a book by Matthew Kelly called "The Rhythm of Life" a couple of weeks ago - and he makes a good case for staying true to vows and commitments as a means of personal transformation. I have seriously failed to do that in my faith. I made a solemn vow at my Chrismation and was told that all kinds of temptations and trials would come because of it - and the warnings have turned out to be true. I went to Confession at St. Patrick's Cathedral in NYC last week and shared my doubts with a Priest who opened up my eyes. I don't agree with a lot of things in the Catholic worldview - but I cannot deny that I have both Judas and Jesus within me - and Judas has been most prominent. I'm taking it one day at a time and I don't want you to feel that I expect you to join me or that you should be influenced by my decision at all - this is my "chosen" path and I need to commit to it and let it work itself out in me. I do not embrace Catholicism to the exclusion of all other faiths - I embrace it as a fulfillment of them all. Thanks for understanding my struggles with all the demons that seek to rule me....I hope you'll hang with me. I promise I won't try to recruit you!!! I seriously let you and myself down as a Catholic sponsor before and I ask your forgiveness for that.
Our paths have been similar but I've never felt obligated to join anything because you have. I wish you well on your journey.
Yes...she has her 'warts' her faults, her sins like scarlet...but she has a Husband and Groom ever-loving, ever-faithful and ever-true to Her. Her sins will one day be whiter than snow, but for now, as Peter said, "Lord, where would we go?"
God bless you. Welcome back Home.
Altar Ego, I know well the path you have taken and are on. Many times throughout my own life I have stumbled and fallen. I have been btrayed but also done my own fair share of betraying. Know this though, through it all we are Loved. We are always welcomed Home and our Loving Father never gives up on us, especially most when the world does. Know that you are in my prayers always and drop me a line if you ever need a friend or someone to share things with. Have a truly wonderful and Blessed day!
p.s. Matthew Kelly is one of my favourite personalities. I have a few of his cd's and find him to be truly inspirational.
Post a Comment