When our kids were young - we encouraged their belief in Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and all sorts of imaginary characters. We wanted them to enjoy the wonderful full-on experience of childhood, in all its imaginative and creative moments of splendor.
As our children grew older, they began to question the reality of these characters, their magical existence suddenly became less certain and illogical. So we pondered how we might transition them to the realities of adulthood. Our decision was to tell our kids that Santa Claus etc. were "conditional" beings. It was necessary to believe in them in order for them to exist. This seemed to satisfy their curiosity for a while, they rarely asked about it anymore after that, and gradually they started to participate in the "game" by continuing the tradition of leaving out cookies and milk on Christmas Eve, even though we all secretly knew that reality was radically different. Our kids are grown now and they still love to continue the "make believe" traditions that we started when they were young.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?
Recently I've begun to see that religious or spiritual beliefs are similar to the childhood interpretations of reality that children believe in their innocence. Before I saw through the illusory barrier that is created by beliefs, I clung to the creeds and vows that were proclaimed by the various institutions of faith. I saw them as being true interpretations of a reality that I hoped someday to realize. As a Christian I clung to the creed and the sacraments, believing that in them was contained the means to be united with the source of my future destiny in Heaven. As a Buddhist I chanted parts of the Sutras and took refuge in the Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha - striving through the intentional practice of meditation and chanting to secure my place in the eternal Pure Land.
After years and years of these practices - and the experience of never gaining any ground on my search for truth, or fulfillment, I felt further away from the peace even after I kept re-doubling my efforts.
My thoughts constantly resolved that I would be complete, happy, and peaceful, if I could just get a better understanding of scripture - if I just chanted with a little more sincerity. If I could just get more of the gift of grace!!!!
Like a young child I strove to be a good conformer to the perceived standards that my image of God/Santa had for me, hoping that he would look favorably on me and give me what I wanted.
This is the true insanity of spiritual seeking. It has identifiable steps that look like this:
- Recite a repeated belief until you believe that you believe it. Join a community of like believers so that you can support each other in your belief.
- Live in awareness of the fact that you can never be worthy to receive the benefit of this adopted belief, and hope for grace.
- Go out and "help" others to adopt the same beliefs as you.
- Live life with hope for the future. Continue to strive, resting in the promise of future fulfillment.
WAKE ME, SHAKE ME
When I suddenly awoke from this dream I became aware of the truth of the story - the conditional reality that belief creates fell away and I began to see reality as that which is beyond belief. That which is not conditioned by belief is reality.
My first experience from awareness of the "Seeking Game" was one of being lost and alone - but this passed quickly and I opened up to the inter-connectedness of all things and saw that not only was I not alone - I was an integral part of all that is - the wholeness of everything. Yet my sense of personal ego was diminished. Belief no longer confined or defined me. My definition was extended beyond the ranges of my physical body and out into the rest of the universe. At first I was angry at how I had deceived myself with belief in belief! But after a while, like a maturing child I realized that I could re-enter the imaginary world of belief - go back to religion and spirituality, but with a sense of play and enjoyment - not for the purpose of attainment. There was no longer anything to obtain - now I could put out the "Cookies and Milk" (or, Pray and Meditate) in joy - and come back and eat them later in laughter. The story could be enjoyed even if I knew it was fantasy.
ALL OR NOTHING AT ALL
As part of the story of spirituality, I used to believe that enlightenment was something special - that it changed everything. That it would make me into a better me. That was a fantasy also. Awakening, or enlightenment is to realize the absolute beauty of everything as it is - even yourself. Accepting it all, including yourself, warts and all. Pain and pleasure, birth and death. It's all a meaningful part of a purposeless dance that is human-ness.
Welcome to the whole story. It has a wonderful plot and a great cast of characters.
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