Although our old TV was "High Definition" - it was not as "High Definition" as the new one that we bought to replace it. The new one was cheaper than its predecessor, more lightweight, and had far better picture quality in a much more compact design.
After watching a good film or program on a high definition TV you become very aware of the flaws in the quality of the lower definition alternatives, and this lack of clarity almost becomes irritating, distracting, and diminishes the impact of the event.
The same could be said about my spiritual view of life over the past few months.
THE CLARITY OF REALITY
Since I abandoned my grasp of a "belief-based" interpretation of reality, I feel as if I've discovered a "Higher Definition" version of life.
I had tried so hard to embrace the "ancient" beliefs that I believed provided a concrete explanation for the meaning and purpose of life. It seemed so wonderful to think that we were here for a great purpose that extended into eternity. Secretly, there was also a deep-seated sense of self-satisfaction that I was one of the "privileged" few that knew this "truth."
After nearly 30 years of trying to find a suitable interpretation of life that I could embrace, it wasn't easy to consider that my earnest, deep, heartfelt search for truth (with a capital "T"), was an endless pursuit in futility! But such is the nature of an awakening. It reveals that one was dreaming. An awakening does not happen according to the terms of normal understanding. An awakening is a pure gift from an unexpected source.
THE FUZZY DREAM IS OVER
Awakening is not perhaps the right word. By it, I don't mean to imply that I am enlightened in the sense of a Buddha or some great mystical master. My awakening refers to a realization that to seek for something, with the goal of identifying it when you find it, simply means that you must have previously experienced it or known it before - else there is no re-cognition ("knowing again.") Therefore, the goal for which I sought - a relationship with God, meaning, purpose, fulfillment, peace, etc..., call it what you will... could not be anywhere elsewhere than already present in my life. I was just unaware of it. When that realization occurred, the process of "seeking" began to stop.
I cannot adequately describe the sense of release and freedom that I've experienced since I let go of the desire to seek - it's the ultimate solution to all seeking. How ironic that the end of seeking in not found in the finding, but in the abandoning of the search and the embrace of reality "as it is" in all its uncertainty.
Now I read spiritual books and perform spiritual practices of my choosing for the pure joy of it, and not for any sense of justification or expectations of some kind of spiritual attainment.
There are a number of writers and philosophers that speak and write about this full-frontal embrace of reality, under different names and terms. Some call it "Choiceless Awareness" - others speak of "Present or Timeless Awareness." It all comes down to a principle of non-grasping and complete openness to life. This view of life as being one continuous wholeness - where there is no division between people, places and things as being separate existences within a past, present and future can often be misunderstood as a nihilistic view - where nothing has meaning or purpose beyond the present moment. However, my experience is the opposite case. Now that I can appreciate how inter-dependent everything is, and how the idea of independent existence is an illusion of the mind, I appreciate life much more as a moment by moment experience with no greater purpose than that which it has right now.
Life is its own purpose.
Like a dance or a piece of music.
The meaning does not come at the end - the meaning is found in its very performance.
There is no curse
There is no salvation from a curse
There is just life - there is just this - happening.
In all its joy, sadness and even in its death.
Life's miracle is being human.
"I did my best to notice
When the call came down the line
When the call came down the line
Up to the platform of surrender
I was brought but I was kind
I was brought but I was kind
And sometimes I get nervous
When I see an open door
Close your eyes, clear your heart
Cut the cord
Are we human or are we dancer?
My sign is vital, my hands are cold
And I'm on my knees looking for the answer
Are we human or are we dancer?
Pay my respects to grace and virtue
Send my condolences to good
Give my regards to soul and romance
They always did the best they could
And so long to devotion
You taught me everything I know
Wave goodbye, wish me well
You've gotta let me go
Are we human or are we dancer?
My sign is vital, my hands are cold
And I'm on my knees looking for the answer
Are we human or are we dancer?
Will your system be alright
When you dream of home tonight?
There is no message we're receiving
Let me know, is your heart still beating?
Are we human or are we dancer?
My sign is vital, my hands are cold
And I'm on my knees looking for the answer
You've gotta let me know
Are we human or are we dancer?
My sign is vital, my hands are cold
And I'm on my knees looking for the answer
Are we human or are we dancer?
Are we human or are we dancer?
Are we human or are we dancer?"
- "Human" - The Killers
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