A Gathering of Wolves

"But as I had forsaken the priests, 

so I left the separate preachers also, 

and those esteemed the most experienced people; 

for I saw there was none among them all that could speak to my condition. 

When all my hopes in them and in all men were gone, 

so that I had nothing outwardly to help me, 

nor could I tell what to do, then, 

oh, then, I heard a voice which said, 

"There is one, even Christ Jesus, that can speak to thy condition"; 

and when I heard it, my heart did leap for joy."

- The Journal of George Fox

Spiritually speaking, this has not been a good week for me. It's apparently the culmination of an extended period of great doubt and skepticism that has plagued me for about a month now.

I joked with friends that I was giving up religion for Easter, and despite their initial laughter, many were concerned that my "Dark Night of the Soul" was serious and was leading to a complete loss of faith and perhaps a bout of deep depression.  I don't think it's as tragic as they might believe. In many ways, this loss of faith is leading me to a surprisingly calm and peaceful experience of reality. You might say that my faith is being transformed and is changing its nature.

This morning - I awoke early and decided that I'd go to Mass, and I felt quite good about it. Then came the Gospel reading for the day:

"A good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.

A hired man, who is not a shepherd

and whose sheep are not his own,

sees a wolf coming and leaves the sheep and runs away,

and the wolf catches and scatters them.

This is because he works for pay and has no concern for the sheep."

 - Jesus, from "The Gospel According to St. John, Chapter 10"

I've heard this passage many, many times and I've always liked how Jesus is portrayed as the Good Shepherd - one who has a vested interest in the care of his sheep - one who sacrifices himself for their well-being. However, today I couldn't help noticing the other character in the passage; the hired man. 

THE WOLF IN CHARGE OF THE SHEEP

The hired man in the passage is not a shepherd - the sheep are not his and when trouble comes he does not protect them. He sees himself as merely paid help and does not see any worth in them apart from being a means for making a living.

I saw this as a very good facsimile of the Church over the centuries. Not only has the Church failed as a protector of its flock from the ravaging of wolves - but in certain periods of history, the Church has in fact assumed the role of the ravaging wolf itself!!!

The most recent and perhaps blatant example of this was the Child Abuse scandals of recent years - countless children were victimized by their own Parish Priests for years, and when the details of the scandal were publicly confessed, it also came to light that not only did many of the Bishops and Hierarchs of the Church know about it for years, but they had conspired to hide the offenders and shelter them from prosecution.

THE PROBLEM WITH HISTORY

When I was an Evangelical Christian I was rather ignorant of the origins of the Church and the history of its expansion throughout the world. I had believed that the growth of the Church had simply come about in the same way as the early Churches depicted in the Acts of the Apostles; the Church had spread by both word of mouth and through the experience of loving community. However, it didn't take much review of history to see the hand of politics and government involved in the violent and aggressive spread of Christianity. Through the "efforts" of the converted Emperor Constantine - who, although proclaimed as a Saint in the Orthodox Church - spread Christianity by force and might - turning the gift of grace into the thrash of a sword. The first thousand years of Christianity looks a lot more like the same period in Islam. The early Muslims didn't learn how to expand their religion from strangers!!! In fact, many historians might be able to argue that Islam spread in a somewhat "defensive" mode as a response to the actions of the "Christian" armies.

NOT AS INTENDED

Many years ago I visited the Vatican and walked through the immense grandeur of the Basilicas and halls of Rome. As I left the world of children begging outside the city (moved along by police and Vatican guards) I was overwhelmed by the pure beauty and grandeur of the works of art and invaluable treasures on display. As I walked by various side chapels where people prayed for their needs and wants, I heard a voice inside say, very clearly: "This is not what I intended...." and was overcome with grief and anger.

When I returned from Rome - I suppressed the voice and although I went through a great period of doubt and walked away from Christianity for a little while - I talked myself through it and came back in full force to the Catholic Church.

This morning I heard that voice again, and was reminded of what George Fox wrote (above). He went on to found the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers).

THERE'S HOPE FOR THE SHEEP - IN FOLLOWING THE SHEPHERD

I think it's important to listen for the voice of the Shepherd - he can be trusted. Just beware of where the hired man takes you though - he may lead you to the wolves!!